Why we can't talk to people...

(credit to Marko Slavnic, the creator of this video, and to The Awesomer, the website where I found this video)

I really love the movie Yes Man; that's the movie starring Jim Carrey, who plays a character who thinks that he must say 'yes' to every opportunity.  The concept is like a twelve-step program for 'no' addicts.  While I think throwing a rock through the window of a bank is a horribly bad idea-unless your goal is to go to jail-allowing ourselves to be open to life's opportunities is a good message to take away from that movie.

Seconds isn't quite the same as Yes Man, however both have a similar theme;  Saying yes to life is full of all kinds of fun like traveling, and taking pictures of candles, and jumping into the ocean.  On the other hand, saying no only brings loneliness.  Nobody wants loneliness.


Whether you are a man or woman, we have all been in the shoes of the male character in this video.  We became attracted to someone at first sight and, in the midst of our day dreaming, we blew our chances at the slow-motion-and-violins type love!  However, you all may be pleased to know that it's not our fault for our inability to act.  It's hard wired into our brains.

Hundreds-of-thousands of years ago, when our ancestors were nomads living in caves, it was incredibly important for them to wait for the "perfect moment."  The consequence for a failed attempt at seduction was the entire tribe becoming aware of that person's undesirability, thus eliminating his/her chances of ever finding a mate.  The cautious people continued mating and passing on their genes and after thousands of generations of repetition, it has become biologically embedded within our brains.

That's good news right?  It's not our fault; we were born this way!  Well, this information doesn't help us with our approach anxiety, rather it allows us to justify our complacency.  Luckily, there is a system that directly addresses approach anxiety; it's called the "3-second rule" (credit to Erik von Markovik AKA Mystery.)  The moment you see someone with whom you would like to talk, a three-second timer begins and you must approach that person and begin a conversation.  This forces you to act before anxiety cripples your brain, as well as removing the creepy scenario of constantly staring at the person for hours.

Even though the male character in Seconds required more than three seconds to act on his interest, the outcome was definitely better than the other option; watching the girl of his dreams take her pastry and leave.  Seconds beautifully shows how we can't dictate the terms of our lives, but we can absolutely react to the situations presented to us.  Embracing an opportunity is win-lose; the outcome is either good or bad.  Ignoring the opportunity is almost always a lose-lose; we can neither enjoy the good results, nor learn from the bad.

“In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby...This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It... knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.” - Neil Strauss